I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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