you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
