I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
