hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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