Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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