Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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