GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
