i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
