He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize