Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
