If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
