i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
