I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
