So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
