frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
