It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your penis caused this!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize