The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
