The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
