I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
