You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
