508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
