I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
did i just pee glitter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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