Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
