So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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