I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to calm my uterus...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
