Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
