My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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