i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
