Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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