so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I puked a lego.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize