I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
