if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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