I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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