i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
