Me. At least after what I've been through.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
