This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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