my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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