Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
