i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
