Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
