Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
