Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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