So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
