Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
