the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
