Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Shame - the story of my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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