theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
