Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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