Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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