When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize