Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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