Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
