From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Someone signed my nipple.
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