Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
