I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
