wakey wakey hands off snakey
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize