I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i think i just lost a toe
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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