did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
