God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
