So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
