I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
