I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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