i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
